Vitally Alive
by shiawasena neko
Summary: In the months after Fisk is locked up, Matt searches Hell's Kitchen for the criminals that Fisk created. He gets more than he bargained for. Mpreg. Don't like it, don't read it. X-posted to my Sublime42 AO3 account.
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1

Wilson Fisk's criminal activities had been outed, and he had been locked up, but that didn't mean that his influence over Hell's Kitchen had dissolved.

Matt knew this. He also knew that it might take months, if not years to extinguish all of the illicit hotbeds that Fisk had created, and that he may never even be able to find all of them.

He had been trying, though. That was why he was standing in the basement of a seemingly abandoned building on West 46th in the dead of night.

00

From what Matt had gathered, a chunk of the money that Nobu had gotten through his connection with Fisk had been funneled to this particular enterprise. What the enterprise was doing, though, Matt couldn't really tell.

It didn't seem like they were making drugs. He was standing in a laboratory, but without sight he truly couldn't tell what the solutions were in the flasks and vials on the tables. And really, even if he could see them, he'd probably have to get them analyzed. Nothing had labels.

Silently, he felt around and listened to his surroundings. The lab that he was standing in was empty, but he could hear footsteps about a hundred feet away, two rooms down.

Matt stood still. He heard a crash, but didn't flinch. Something had fallen to the floor in the other room. Something metallic that had other items associated with it. A tray, perhaps, carrying scientific instruments of some type.

There was a scream. A scream of pain, then someone yelling in anger. In Japanese. Which, of course, Matt didn't understand. He was concerned about whoever was being beaten or tortured, though.

Quietly, he walked. Quickly, but not too quickly. The instruments surrounding him were fragile; one wrong move could make them fall or shake and alert everyone to his presence.

He was about ten feet from the door. He heard a whisper. No, two people were whispering.

There was another loud crash, then a thud as two steel pocket doors flew out of the sides of each entrance to the room. They closed abruptly, trapping him in.

Matt could've kicked himself for not seeing that coming, but he supposed that it wasn't really his fault. The place really seemed too old to have such technology in it.

He tried not to panic. Panicking would do nothing. He told himself to think rationally.

Either the Japanese knew that he was there, or they were closing off the room for some other purpose. Maybe they were done with it for the night.

He made the decision to get out and re-think his strategy. He might be able to find a way into the building closer to where the screaming person was located. He stepped back towards the original entrance. Quietly. Slowly.

As he reached it, he started to feel tired. He shook his head, trying to wake himself up. Something was off. Something was wrong. The sooner he could get out of there, the better. Maybe there was a window? No… No, he hadn't noticed any windows. The place was sealed. They wanted it sealed. Why?

Matt reached the door. As he did, his body gave out on him. He fell back against the metal of it and quickly fell into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

Matt woke up some time later.

Before opening his eyes, he took note of his surroundings.

There was a beeping sound. Similar to a pulse ox machine that one might find in a hospital.

Something was attached to his finger. A pulse ox monitor? And he was on a bed.

And he was handcuffed to it. No, he was being held down by something else. Not handcuffs, but some type of metal restraints. His arms, legs and chest were restrained.

Worse of all, his mask was off. In fact, his whole suit had been removed. He could feel the cloth of what seemed like a hospital gown against his skin.

"Good evening," an accented voice greeted him. "I know you're awake, so why don't we get right to the point?"

00

"Who are you?" Matt asked.

"I am a physician."

"You worked with Nobu." Matt struggled against his restraints, trying to find a way out. How had he been so stupid? How could he let this happen?

"You were easy to trap," the man said, as if reading Matt's mind. "All it took was a distraction. The sound of something falling. We released the CO at the same time that I dropped the tray. Funny, I thought you would be harder to capture."

Matt didn't respond. He continued to work at freeing himself.

The man chuckled.

"You're not going to get out of that."

Matt growled.

"What do you want with me?"

"We didn't want anything to do with you. You came to us. We were hoping that you'd avoid us, actually. We did not want the trouble of it. But now that you're here and we've given you a proper examination, that has changed. You meet our criteria perfectly."

"What criteria?"

Matt was starting to panic. He couldn't help it. He was truly unable to escape.

The doctor sighed.

"It is hard to explain. I can tell you that if all goes well, you will fully recover."

"What are you talking about?!" Matt tried to control his breathing. Calm down, he had to calm down.

"Yes. We don't want to harm you, if that is any consolation. We want you to live."

"I heard screaming -"

"Yes, some of our test subjects aren't particularly pleased to be here. But it must be done. Now, I'm going to inject you twice. Fair warning - second needle is rather large."

Matt started to squirm again. He could hear the doctor moving around, then begin calling out in Japanese. Footsteps sounded in the room. More people had arrived. The doctor said something to one of them. A second later, Matt felt something swabbing his skin with something cold. Antiseptic. Had to be. He could smell it. Then he felt a needle plunge into his neck.

Whatever was in it was calming. He began to relax. He didn't want to relax, but he had no choice. The voice in his head told him that everything was okay. He would figure a way out later. For now, he could rest.

Matt stopped moving. He felt someone push the fabric of the gown covering him away and clean his skin again.

He had sensed that the doctor was being truthful about him wanting to survive. This proved it. Why disinfect injection sites if they wanted him dead?

"Here we go," the doctor said.

Matt whimpered as he felt a massive needle enter his femoral artery. Whatever he was being injected with burned horribly. Matt felt like he was being destroyed from the inside out.

Then, almost as quickly as it started, it was over. Matt's body couldn't handle it, though. He passed out once again.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm making Brett Mahoney know Matt's secret identity in this. Claire and Karen have met once and Matt and Karen's relationship has progressed.

I doubt I'll be doing much altering to the tv universe setup besides what is listed above but if I do, I'll post it.

Ch. 3

The next time that Matt awoke, it was to the sound of a familiar voice.

"He's here."

It was Brett Mahoney. Soon after he spoke, Foggy entered the room.

"Jesus Christ, Matt!" He sounded angry.

Matt groaned, feeling extremely weak.

"I can get some paramedics here," Brett offered.

"No. No hospitals," Matt answered. He began to struggle to free himself again, but found that the metal restraints were no longer in place.

"You really need to get checked out. If you won't go to a hospital then I'll call Claire," Foggy told him.

"Okay," Matt agreed. "But please… take me home."

00

Brett had ended up giving Foggy and Matt a ride back to Matt's apartment in his squad car. Matt slept for the duration of the short ride and was grateful to Foggy for helping him walk when they arrived. He felt almost too weak to move.

Once inside, Foggy deposited him on the couch and began searching for some suitable clothes. He returned from Matt's bedroom holding a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"How'd you find me?" Matt asked, swallowing as he felt bile rise in his throat. He felt sick. Like he was going to vomit. Dizzy, too.

"I went to see Brett after you didn't show up at the office on Monday. He came up with a list of places with suspected connections to Fisk and his associates. Found you on the second try. I'm going to call Claire now. You can explain yourself to her."

Monday. That stuck in Matt's head. He had entered the building on Saturday night. Did that mean that he had been unconscious for over two days?

"What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

Matt could hear Foggy's heart pounding. He was pissed. Really pissed. He couldn't hold his concentration for too long, though. A sharp pain hit him in the abdomen and it took all of Matt's strength not to scream.

Seeing Matt start to tremble, Foggy's rage began to melt away. He felt worried instead.

Matt could hear bits of the conversation that Foggy was having, but had a hard time listening to anything more.

"Now. He's shaking. I think he's in pain. Okay. Thanks."

Foggy hung up the phone and turned his attention to Matt again.

"Where's it hurting you?"

"Stomach. It burns…" He rasped out.

The pain was unlike anything that Matt had ever felt before. It was worse than any of the beatings he'd sustained. Maybe it was on par with the feeling of chemicals burning his eyes when he was a kid but this seemed slightly worse than even that.

"...Make it stop," he begged.

Foggy took hold of Matt's hand.

"Hey, you need to relax. Claire's on her way now, she'll help you." Foggy's voice sounded soft, caring. He wasn't angry anymore.

"They injected me with something."

"Any idea what?"

"I'd tell you if I did."

Matt was sweating. His entire body was coated with sweat. He could feel his heart racing. He didn't fight it when he felt the urge to cry.

"Oh, God," Foggy mumbled, upon seeing this. "It's going to be okay. I'm going to call Brett and see if he can check out the building more thoroughly. Maybe he can find some evidence and we can figure it out. I'm sure Claire can test you, too."

"There was a lab…"

"In the building where you were?"

Matt nodded 'yes'.

"Uh. Are you sure? Because all of the rooms were empty."

That statement caught Matt off guard.

"Impossible. I know what was there."

"Okay, well, maybe Brett will find something."

"Foggy…"

"You gonna be sick?"

"I don't know. It hurts."

Foggy sighed.

"I know. Claire will be here really soon. Just try to hold on for a few more minutes."

00

Claire entered Matt's apartment ten minutes later. By then, Matt had begun to vomit, but it was mostly bile. He hadn't had any solid food in several days.

"Oh boy. What happened to you?" She asked, coming closer. Foggy was busy helping Matt lean to the side while he was sick. He'd placed a wastebasket nearby. Claire gently pushed Foggy out of the way and kneeled down next to Matt.

"Matt, it's Claire."

"I know…" Matt took a deep breath, then began to cough again. Nothing but more bile and a little blood came out. Claire rubbed his side until he was finished, then helped him lie back down.

"Stay calm, Matt. I'm going to find out what's hurting you. I need to you relax." She noticed that Matt was reaching out for her hand. She let him take it for a moment, but when she tried to move away, he refused to let go. Not having the heart to force him off, she asked Foggy to pass over her medical bag instead.

Once she had it open, Matt reluctantly let her go. She put on a pair of gloves and took out her stethoscope.

"Tell me where your pain is."

"Here," Matt rested his hand on his lower stomach. "It feels like I've been stabbed and the wound is on fire."

"Hm." Claire moved his hand and began to palpate the area. "Does it hurt when I do that?"

"No."

She poked around a bit more, but found everything to be pretty normal.

"Alright. When was the last time you ate or drank anything?"

"Saturday. Please, it really hurts…"

"I'm going to help make it better. I need to know what's going on first. You haven't had anything in four days, then." She pinched his arm. "Odd. You're not dehydrated at all." She turned his arm over and inspected it. "...And, I think I know why. Where were you?"

"Why am I like that?"

"Because someone gave you an IV, probably with saline in it. There's an injection site here," she tapped the area on the underside of his elbow.

"I don't remember them injecting me there."

Claire pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay, I'm going to ask again. Where were you?

"The abandoned boarding house on 46th. I went to check on some of Nobu's affiliates. They had a lab, caught me… tied me down. They gave me two injections, one in the neck, one in my leg. I don't remember anything attached to my arm."

"Such a moron," Claire whispered.

"I heard that," Matt replied, but he was in too much pain to take offense. "Can you please help me now?"

Claire rolled her eyes and put the earbuds of her stethoscope in her ears. She placed the flat end on Matt's stomach.

"It sounds like you're in pain because you haven't had anything to eat in a while. It's probably making you sick. I wouldn't be surprised if your blood sugar is totally off. It has to be, unless they gave you intravenous nutrients. I can check really fast." She reached around in her bag until she found her glucose test kit. She picked up his hand. "You're gonna feel a small pinch on your finger."

It only took a few seconds to get a result.

"It's low, but not as bad as I thought. They must've given you something to keep you going at least for a day or two. Still, you need to eat. Nothing big, just some crackers and something with sugar. Do you have anything like that?"

"Maybe."

"Foggy, can you go check?"

"On it." Foggy got up and made his way to the kitchen.

"I feel like I'm gonna be sick again," Matt warned Claire.

"I can give you a shot of Reglan. It'll help the nausea. But before I do I want to take some blood for analysis."

"Okay," Matt agreed.

Claire pulled out some antiseptic towelettes and found a vein on top of Matt's hand. She skillfully inserted a butterfly needle and was soon filling up a collection tube. When she was done, she bandaged him up, found another vein, and injected him with the Reglan. Within minutes he felt relief. His stomach still hurt, but he didn't feel quite as awful.

"Better?" She asked.

"Yes, thank you."

"Good. Foggy's back. I'm, uh, sure you heard him. I'm going to help you sit up and you're going to eat."

Matt nodded and let Claire help him.

"Here," she held up a piece of toast to his mouth. "Take a small bite. You have to eat slowly. There's some soda, too. I'd rather give you something less acidic, but it's all that you have."

Matt said nothing, but did as he was told. Quietly he finished off the toast and the glass of coke. He could tell that Foggy had gone back to being angry. Claire seemed annoyed, too.

"I'm sorry," he said, softly.

"No you're not. If you were sorry you'd stop this. Fisk is in jail. I don't -" Claire started, but then sighed. " - nevermind. You're never going to stop."

Matt didn't know how to respond.

"Lie back down," she instructed, changing the subject back to his health.

With Foggy's help he laid back. He could feel Claire pulling up the hospital gown and touching him gently.

"There's an injection sight on your thigh. Looks like they got your femoral artery. There's one a little higher up, too." She continued to search him, helping him turn to his side when she had to examine his back. "Your back's clean. And there's this," she tapped his neck softly. "It looks like it's mostly healed."

"I remember one in my neck and one in my leg, but nothing else."

"Well, there's no other marks or bruises. The blood tests should give us something to go on."

"Okay."

Claire helped Matt turn onto his back once again.

"If you're feeling better I'm going to go. I'll see if I can get the tests rushed, but no guarantees." She handed some small plastic packages to Foggy. "If you start feeling sick again take one of those. Foggy can read off the directions. They should help a little."

"Thank you," Matt said.

"Yeah. I'll see you soon, Matt."

Matt listened as Claire gathered her belongings and walked out.

"Foggy," he said, breaking the silence. "What does Karen know?"

"She knows that you were missing and that we found you. She's on her way now. Just texted me."

Matt tensed up.

"Does she know anything else?"

"No. Tell her what you want. I'd suggest the truth, but...Well, it's your relationship."

"I can't tell her," Matt argued.

"Like I said, do what you want. But the longer you wait, the more angry she might be."

Matt nodded, knowing that Foggy was right.

Then, as if on cue, the apartment door opened and Karen walked in.

00

"Matt!" She came running to his side. "Oh, thank God you're okay! What happened?"

Foggy turned away, not wanting to watch Matt lie to Karen. She and Matt had been together for months, now, and he had yet to divulge his secret. Foggy considered this selfish, but he did his best to keep out of it.

"I don't remember," Matt answered. He hadn't had time to think up anything good. What would excuse a four day unplanned absence anyway?

Foggy rolled his eyes as he heard this.

"Really? Then we should get you to the hospital, you probably have a head injury!" Karen began to help him up but Matt pushed her away.

"No hospitals. Claire already examined me. I'm okay."

"Hm." Karen knew of Claire, and had met her once. Matt had introduced her as a former neighbor who sometimes helped him out if he happened to fall or injure himself. "Did she say you didn't have to go to the hospital?"

"Yes, and she took some blood to send for tests."

Matt could practically hear Karen frown.

"Alright… but if it gets worse, you really need to go." Karen cupped Matt's cheek with her hand. "I was so worried, Matt."

Matt knew that Karen was being truthful, and it made him feel extremely guilty. But before he had a chance to think deeply about it, his stomach began to hurt again.

"Ow, fuck," he hissed.

Karen jumped back.

"Did I hurt you?!"

"No, just...I think I pulled a muscle in my stomach or something."

"Oh. I, um. I can go get you an ice pack," Karen offered.

"That would be helpful," Matt replied. He wasn't sure if it would help, but he figured that it couldn't hurt.

As Karen got up to retrieve the ice, Foggy started towards the door.

"I should go back to the office. I put your meds on the coffee table. Karen can take care of you. I'll you tomorrow, if you're up for it."

"Yeah," Matt answered. "See you then."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This chapter ends about 6 weeks after Matt is found. I know this story is kind of slow going but I had to write it this way.

Ch. 4

Matt really wanted to go to work the following day. They didn't have that many cases, but they still had paperwork to do and he felt bad leaving Foggy to do it alone for yet another day.

He couldn't make it, though. He was in too much pain.

Thankfully, Karen was there to help him. She had done everything from helping him bathe to cooking him food.

The problem was that he couldn't keep much down. Nor could he sleep. He felt like his stomach was on fire - that horrible feeling had returned hours after Claire had left and it hadn't gone away, save for the times he'd taken the medicine she'd given, but even that had provided only a modicum of relief.

Karen was very worried.

"This has to be something more than a pulled muscle," she had told him, numerous times. "A pulled muscle wouldn't make you too weak to walk."

Still, he insisted on staying out of the hospital. Karen stayed by his side, quietly rubbing his stomach in an attempt to soothe him. He fell asleep on and off throughout the day, but he didn't feel rested at all.

00

Thursday was much the same as the previous days. Now, even Matt was growing concerned. Not only was he forcing Foggy to do extra work, but he knew that Karen was tired as well. She hadn't slept a wink, choosing to stay awake to ensure that all of his needs were met.

Besides, he thought that whatever drug was in his system should have been gone by then, and he was beginning to wonder if he was bleeding internally or something to that effect.

Claire must have somehow known that he was worried, since she called that afternoon.

"Hi Matt," she greeted him.

"Hi," he gasped out. He was in the middle of a particularly bad bout of pain. He'd just thrown up the soup that Karen had made him for lunch and he felt extremely hot. He was drenched in sweat yet again.

"I got your test results back."

"What'd they say?"

"There were traces of Valium in your system. A fairly large amount but not enough to do much harm overall. That's all we found, though. It doesn't explain why you were unconscious for four days. My guess would be that you were given some type of anesthetic but most of them clear out of the bloodstream quickly. I could do a hair test, though. How are you feeling?"

"Awful."

"Stomach still hurting?"

"That along with hot flashes. I feel weak, too."

Claire sighed.

"You really ought to come to the hospital. I can get you a doctor, someone I'm friends with who will treat you nicely."

Matt frowned. He had been hoping that the blood tests would show something more, that they would unlock the key to why he was feeling so terrible. He finally conceded that perhaps getting some help was the correct course of action.

"If it's not better by tomorrow afternoon, I'll go in. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay. Call me if you need anything in the meantime. Is Karen or Foggy with you?"

"Karen is."

"Good. I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Hopefully not."

"Right."

"Thanks, Claire."

"Yup. Talk to you soon."

Matt hung up the phone and went back to suffering.

00

The rest of Matt's day was spent in misery, with Karen by his side. Bless her, she'd done so much to help him. She'd gone out to buy a heat pack when the ice didn't help, and she'd made at least three trips to the pharmacy for various medicines.

Matt fully expected to feel awful the following day, yet when he woke up, he felt fine. Tired, yes, but he was no longer in pain. Rather than going to the hospital, he went into work at noon. He'd given Karen the day off to rest. Foggy was happy to see him and Matt was happy to be out of the apartment.

By Saturday, Matt felt that he had completely recovered.

00

The following weeks were spent chasing down leads regarding the lab that Matt claimed to have been in and the people involved with the experiments that were taking place.

Brent had gone over the building top to bottom and the only thing that he had found were the metal doors that Matt had spoken of and the bed that Matt had been lying on. Everything else was gone. There were no traces of any laboratory instruments or chemicals and the doors contained no fingerprints.

Matt found this incredibly frustrating. It ate at him. Where had his captors gone?

He thought back to the few bits of information that he did know.

The men he had met had been given a share of Nobu's profits. How much, he wasn't sure. He'd only found out about them by tracing another person tied to Fisk and Nobu. From what he had gathered, the group was interested in some type of biochemical field, but Matt didn't know exact details.

Matt returned to the building with Foggy and Brent a week after he was found, hoping that he might pick up something - anything - that would give him a clue.

Silently he retraced his steps. He thought back. There had been at least three men there. One of them smelled like cigarettes. Newport's, specifically, and another man - the doctor - had smelled almost like pine needles. Matt sniffed the air, but any trace of the scents were long gone.

"What about the airports?" Matt asked. "Have you checked with the airlines to see if any Japanese citizens flew out of JFK or LaGuardia?"

Brent shook his head.

"This is New York. Thousands of people fly in and out every day and many of them are from other countries. But… I did manage to get some intel. The majority of Japanese citizens flying out on Monday and Tuesday were families or businessmen. I'm having a friend research the names of the businessmen, but so far we haven't found anything linking them. Besides that, a few Japanese government officials flew out. They'll be a bit harder to find information on. Since you never filed charges I really have no power to even try force their government to give up anything. I'll find whatever I can, though."

"Another dead end."

"So far. We might turn up something later though."

"Yeah. Thanks, Brent."

"Yeah," the cop replied. "No problem."

00

Eventually, Matt found that he had other problems to attend to. While he wanted to catch the people who'd hurt him, he put it off in favor of taking down easier targets.

He had just shut down a small heroin manufacturer that had branched off from Madam Gao's original operation. There hadn't been many workers, and the guards barely put up a fight. Matt walked away with no injuries considered it a success. He went to bed around three am, feeling pretty good about things.

00

The next morning Matt and Foggy were supposed to have a conference call with a potential client. He had planned to get to the office early to review notes, but his body had other ideas. Just moments after he woke up, he found himself running to the bathroom. There, he fell to his knees and vomited.

After his body rid itself of everything he'd eaten in the past day, he forced himself up. It was times like this that he wished he could see himself in the mirror. Maybe he'd be able to make himself look better. Surely, he looked like crap.

At least the nausea was gone. Matt brushed his teeth and rinsed his face in cold water. He tried to recall what he had eaten and whether it had been bad, but nothing stuck out in his mind. There was probably some flu going around, he figured. Or one of those twenty four hour viruses.

Matt got dressed. His stomach growled and he was tempted to make something to eat, but decided against it, grabbing a bottle of water instead. If he truly was sick then eating anything would just cause more problems.

Matt made his way out and to the office. Thankfully no one seemed to notice that anything was off.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5

Karen woke up to the sound of footsteps. Someone was running. She opened her eyes. Apparently Matt was running towards the bathroom.

She sat up and listened. Within seconds she could hear Matt being sick.

Frowning, she got out of bed and made her way over to check on him.

"Matt?" She called out, knocking on the door. "Matt, it's me."

He didn't respond. Rather, she could hear him vomiting again.

Karen pushed the door open and walked inside. Matt was on his knees, spitting up bile into the toilet.

"Matt…" She whispered, before resting her hand on his shoulder.

Matt groaned, but relaxed as she began to gently rub his back.

Karen sat down next to him and continued to comfort him. After a few minutes passed wherein he hadn't been sick again, Matt spoke up.

"Sorry," he rasped, his throat burning. "Must've eaten something bad."

"Uh-huh."

Karen pushed Matt away and flushed the toilet. She closed the lid and told him to sit down. Matt had heard something weird in her voice, so he complied. Something was off. He waited as he heard her turn on the faucet. She was getting him some water.

"Drink," she instructed, holding a cup to his lips.

Matt took a small sip. When he didn't feel like he was going to be sick again, he finished off the glass.

"Thanks. I'm sorry if I woke you."

Karen was quiet for a moment, trying to choose her words wisely.

"So. Food poisoning?"

"Yeah, I think so. I feel better now, though. I guess I got it all out."

Another silence. Matt was beginning to get nervous. Something had been different about Karen, lately. She never actually said anything, but she seemed annoyed and distant.

At first he thought that maybe she was angry over him not filing a police report about the incident where he'd gone missing, but it seemed to be deeper than that. There was more to it, Matt was sure.

"Funny, I've never heard of food poisoning lasting for three weeks."

Her tone was angry.

"Three weeks?" Matt asked. Maybe playing dumb would get her off his back.

"You heard me."

"I haven't been sick for three weeks."

"You come into work every day looking like a ghost, Matt. You barely eat and the last two times we were together overnight you woke up early to use the bathroom. Good try covering it up by running the shower."

Matt's shoulders slumped. How had he screwed that up? He thought he had planned it pretty well. If he got up early enough, he could often make it to the bathroom before getting sick. Turning on the shower seemed like the perfect way to cover up any sounds he might make.

Then again, he wasn't really surprised. His mind felt fuzzy, lately. It was getting difficult to focus on things like he used to. Sure, he could get around fine, but focusing in on a specific sound or smell was harder.

Karen was right, though. He had been ill every morning for at twenty two days so far. He knew he should contact Claire, but she would ultimately force him to go to the hospital, and going to the hospital was something that he still really didn't want to do. The sound and smell of the place would mess with him. He'd probably have a panic attack if he had to stay there for more than a few minutes, nevermind for the few hours that the tests would probably take.

"You need to go to the doctor, Matt," Karen said, her tone softer.

She was staring at him. He could practically feel it.

"Something's not right."

"I know," he admitted. "But I really don't want to go."

"You need to go. I'm worried about you. Foggy's worried, too. I can go with you if you'd like. Hold your hand and keep you calm," she said, sincerely.

"Maybe."

"Please. Even if you go alone, just go."

Matt sighed.

"It's only in the mornings so it's not that bad. Do you mind if I wait until Saturday?" It was only two days away. It seemed like a fair request. Besides, he wanted to have Sunday to recover from whatever mental trauma the hospital visit would cause him.

"Yeah, I guess," she replied. "As long as you promise to go."

"...Alright."

Karen half smiled.

"Thank you."

00

Saturday came around and Matt reluctantly kept his promise to go to the doctor. He insisted on going alone, though. If he was going to freak out, he didn't want any witnesses besides Claire and the doctors.

Claire had arranged for him to meet with a friend of hers, Dr. Kelly. The woman was nice enough. Claire must have told her about Matt's fear of hospitals because she seemed to be going out of her way to make him comfortable.

At first, it wasn't too bad. Claire had made him change into a hospital gown - a very soft hospital gown - had helped him fill out a questionnaire about his family's medical history, then took his vital statistics while the doctor watched. Blood pressure, temperature, height and weight. She found that his blood pressure was slightly elevated. That was strange to Matt. Usually he was pretty healthy in regards to that type of thing. Even weirder was the fact that he'd somehow gained four pounds since he'd last weighed himself a few months prior. He'd been the exact same weight since college. How could he gain weight, especially if he was throwing up every morning?

The doctor could tell that he was getting stressed, so she had him sit down on the examination table. Claire stayed in the room, probably because both she and the doctor realized that Matt needed her there.

"Alright," the doctor said, as she reviewed his file. "Claire had this sent over. I read it briefly this morning. You were blinded as a child - were there any other complications from the chemical spill?"

"Just the blindness."

"Nothing else? Did you become sick more often, anything like that?"

"Not really, no," Matt answered truthfully.

"Okay."

Matt could hear the doctor writing something down.

"So," she began again. "Claire gave me a brief overview of your case, and showed me the blood test results as well. I doubt that Valium would cause the sickness that you're experiencing. That being said, tell me everything from the beginning up until now."

"Okay," Matt answered.

He was shaking. He could feel his hands shaking. Then he felt someone touching him. Claire. She'd stood up and had taken hold of his hand.

"It's okay, Matt," she reassured him. "Just take it slow."

00

"You've been sick for three and a half weeks, and it's only in the mornings?" The doctor asked. She wanted to confirm it.

"Yeah. It's almost like clockwork. Every morning from six to seven I feel sick, throw up, then I'm usually okay."

"Usually?"

"Well… Sometimes certain smells set me off. If someone is eating, it might make me feel sick," Matt admitted. "But it's only happened three or four times." He thought back to how Foggy had been eating a tuna sandwich at his desk a week earlier and how he'd only just made it to the restroom on time.

The doctor raised an eyebrow, but wrote the symptom down.

"What else?"

Matt took a deep breath. He really wished that they could just do whatever needed to be done so he could leave. He felt Claire squeeze his hand again and decided to do his best to push forward.

"I'm tired a lot. More-so than usual. Even if I sleep enough, though that's kind of hard too."

"Elaborate."

"Sometimes I feel really hot. Then I'll go back to normal, then get hot again."

"Hot flashes, then. Interesting." The doctor added to her notes.

"That's really it, I guess. Sometimes my stomach hurts, like the pain I first had, but its only for a few seconds."

The doctor thought for a moment.

"It sounds like an endocrine issue. Something hormonal. I'll do an exam, though, to see if I can find any clear abnormalities. Lie down for me."

Matt did as he was told, grateful that Claire was nearby. Even though he couldn't see the doctor, he still closed his eyes as she began to palpate his abdomen.

"Odd," she mumbled, as she touched his lower stomach.

"'Odd' is not something I want to hear from a doctor," Matt tried to joke. He was starting to feel terrified though.

"There's something here. Some type of mass," she continued to poke him, "I'd suggest a CT scan as soon as possible. I'm sure that Claire can help you schedule one," she let Matt up, "I'm also going to need you to provide a urine sample and I'll have to draw some blood."

Matt nodded and sat up.

00

An hour later, he and Claire were sitting in the hospital cafeteria. Claire was drinking a cup of coffee, but Matt felt too upset to have anything.

"I just texted my friend Tom. He's one of the best technicians we have. I asked him to squeeze you in as soon as possible."

"Thank you," replied. He reached out for Claire's hand yet again, knowing that physical touch would comfort him. Claire held his hand and patted his arm.

"Do you think it's something like… I don't know. Cancer?" Matt asked, meekly. Just thinking of something like that made him feel sick.

"Well. I'm not sure, to be completely honest with you. It could be nothing. I think it's best not to worry until you've gotten the scan."

"That's much easier said than done," Matt snapped. He came off harsher than he intended to, but Claire didn't react. She had expected him to be upset.

"I know, Matt. I know it's hard. If it helps at all, I can promise that I'll do my best to put you in contact with the best doctors at this hospital. You're young and you're strong. We'll get this figured out."

Despite Claire's words, Matt felt like he wanted to cry.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Ok, so, I sort of have a fascination with nanobots and I know a decent amount about Japanese culture (which will make sense later on in the story), but that's where all of this came from.

I'm not a doctor nor do I work in the medical field but I did try to research things, which is why it took me so long to write this. If something is totally inaccurate, let me know, I'll try to change it.

Ch. 6

Matt turned on his cell phone after he left the hospital and was greeted by a barrage of messages from Karen and Foggy. Both wanted to know how he was doing and what the diagnosis was.

Instead of taking a cab home, Matt chose to walk. The hospital was only a mile or so from his apartment and he needed to figure out what to tell them.

On one hand, he really wanted to tell them the truth, if only so he could voice his fears rather than keeping it all bottled up. On the other hand, telling them that he might have cancer or some other weird disease might make them worry needlessly. What if it was just a benign tumor? Would it really be fair to put Foggy and Karen on edge for nothing?

They would expect an answer, that was for sure. He couldn't just tell them that he was fine.

As he reached his apartment he decided that he would lie. Karen and Foggy's mental well-being outweighed his own.

00

Foggy and Karen visited Matt at his apartment later that evening. Foggy had offered to bring food, but Matt had declined. He doubted that he could eat. He was still too nervous. Instead, the three ended up in Matt's living room talking over cups of tea and coffee.

"I was there for about an hour. They took some blood, and they did an exam. The doctor thinks it might be a stomach ulcer. I have to go in for an endoscopy soon. She said I should take antacids for now."

Upon hearing this, Karen let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank God. I was really worried," she said, moving closer to him. "But that sounds treatable. Is it because of stress?"

"That may be a factor, yes," Matt replied.

"We'll have to make sure you're less worried, then," she told him. "At least, I'm more than happy to do extra work to help you in any way that I can. I'm sure that Foggy feels the same, right?"

"Of course," Foggy answered. "Whatever you need."

Matt forced a smile, "Thanks, guys. That means a lot to me."

00

Karen had gotten tired an hour or so later. Matt had told her to go to bed, and that he'd be in later, after Foggy went home. It seemed like Foggy had some things he wanted to discuss, but Matt didn't mention that.

When Matt was sure that Karen was finally asleep, the conversation between he and Foggy turned serious.

"So what is it, really?" Foggy asked. "I mean, I know you, Matt. You were totally lying."

Matt mentally debated lying again but decided against it. Foggy would probably know, and even if he didn't, if something bad did actually happen, Foggy would probably be very angry that he hadn't been told the truth.

"It might be bad, Foggy."

Just saying that forced a crack in Matt's resolve. He could feel tears welling up again. Since when was he so emotional? He didn't even have any confirmation about his condition yet.

Seeing Matt begin to cry, Foggy's tone softened.

"Matt," he whispered, taking a seat next to his friend, "How bad are we talking?"

"I don't know. They said there's something there. Some kind of mass, something that's not supposed to be there. I'm not going for an endoscopy, I'm going for a CT scan. I didn't want to upset you or Karen." Another tear rolled down Matt's cheek.

"Fuck."

"Yeah," Matt replied. "'Fuck' is right."

Matt sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve. The action caused Foggy to smile.

"Let me get you a tissue, you two year old," he joked.

"Thanks," Matt whispered.

Foggy walked off to the kitchen and retrieved some paper towels, then handed them over to Matt, who used them to wipe his eyes and blow his nose.

"I'm scared, Foggy. It's worse then when I was a kid. This… it could kill me."

That statement seemed to be Matt's true breaking point. He began full out crying. Foggy, in his infinite wisdom, knew that words couldn't help the situation. Rather than speaking, he pulled Matt into a hug and held him, rubbing his hands up and down his friend's back.

"It's going to be alright," Foggy told him. "No matter what it turns out to be, you're going to be okay. You're the toughest guy I know."

Matt didn't reply. He just held on to Foggy until he felt too tired to cry anymore.

00

Early the next morning, Matt woke before Karen and went to the bathroom for his morning ritual of puking his guts out. He turned on the shower again, not that he needed to. He doubted that Karen would get too upset now that he'd seen a doctor.

A little while after he finished, his phone rang. It was Claire.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Matt. Hope I didn't wake you up."

"No. I was… Well, you know what happens every morning."

"Oh, yeah. I wanted to tell you that Tom replied to me. He can get you in on Tuesday afternoon. Dr. Kelly will review your test results tomorrow, most likely, and she promised to review your CT scans, so you should have most of your answers by Tuesday evening. I know it's two days off, but it's the best I could do."

"That's fine, Claire. Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome. Did you tell Karen and Foggy?"

Matt sighed.

"Foggy figured out that something was wrong. I told him. Karen doesn't know. I really don't want to worry her unnecessarily."

"Understandable," Claire replied. "If Foggy knows, maybe he should come with you on Tuesday. So you have someone there besides me. It might make you more comfortable."

"I might do that."

"Okay. I'll see you Tuesday, then. Call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks again," Matt said, before hanging up the phone.

00

Matt hadn't held out much hope of getting more information on the Japanese. They'd covered their tracks extremely well.

So, he was somewhat surprised to hear from Brent the following day.

"Remember I said that I'd look into the Japanese government officials who left New York on the day you were found? It took me a while - I had to get one of the detectives from another precinct to do some translating for me, but three of them work for the Japanese Ministry of Health. One of them is a doctor. His name is Naoki Himura. He reports directly to the Minister of Health himself."

"The man who spoke to me was a doctor."

"I know. Anyway, my friend who did the translating found some of the papers that he published and they contained some interesting stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Matt was really intrigued, now.

"Doctor Himura has done a lot of research on nanobots and the possibility of using them to correct certain health problems. It seemed kind of like a sliding slope. His first papers focused on things like curing heart disease and cancer, but his later ones were more focused on rebuilding damaged tissue, or even generating full organs. It's really complex, I honestly don't understand it all, but maybe he was working on something like that with you."

Matt was stunned. Had the doctor injected him with something that may have messed with his organs? But prior to his encounter with the doctor, he was healthy internally. Why would the doctor consider him a good specimen? It wasn't like his eyes were healing. The whole thing raised more questions.

"Do you think you can find out anything else?"

"I have Mike Kita working on it in his spare time. If we find anything else I'll let you know."

"Thank you," Matt told him, sincerely "This information actually came at a good time."

"I'm glad."

Soon after, Matt hung up. Now he had a lot to consider. Maybe he didn't have cancer. Maybe something else was going on, something less deadly. At least he hoped that was the case.

00

On the day of his CT scan, Foggy accompanied Matt to the hospital. He'd done this under the guise of knowing Matt better than anyone and thus being a better candidate to stay with him than Karen. Karen seemed somewhat annoyed, but accepted it, so long as Matt promised to call her when his procedure was done.

Matt kept with the story that he was going for an endoscopy. He hoped that he wouldn't have to tell Karen the truth about what was happening, but he wasn't optimistic.

The CT scan went fairly well. Matt used his time inside of the machine to try to focus on how it worked via the sounds that it made. It kept him from getting overly upset. Afterward he got dressed and sat with Foggy in the doctor's waiting room. It wasn't long before Dr. Kelly and Claire approached him.

"I see you've got your friend here," the doctor said, noting Foggy's presence.

"This is Foggy," Matt introduced them. "Foggy, Dr. Kelly. And you know Claire."

Foggy shook their hands and sat back down.

"We got your test results," the doctor explained. "But you may want to come in alone."

That statement caught Matt off guard.

"Foggy can come with me," he replied. "He's going to find out whatever it is anyway."

"Okay, then."

Dr. Kelly opened the door and let Matt and Foggy in.

00

After everyone sat down, the doctor pulled out a file and began to speak.

"I went over your test results yesterday," she began. "And I found some very surprising results. They were so surprising that I had the tests run for a second time with a different technician."

Matt wasn't sure that he liked where this was going, but he stayed quiet.

"Your hormonal levels are very much out of whack, so to say. You have high levels of cortisol, aldosterone, and estrogen. On top of that, you have a fairly high level of hCG."

"Science was never my strong point," Matt replied.

"Usually men have very low levels of estrogen and hCG. For a man your age the level of hCG should be nearly undetectable. With that in mind, I reviewed the scan results." The doctor looked at Foggy, then back at Matt. "Are you sure that you'd rather not be alone?" She asked again.

"Just say it." Matt was getting frustrated. He could hear the doctor's heart start to beat faster, and Claire's breathing pattern change.

An awkward silence passed before the doctor managed to work up the nerve to speak.

"The CT scan shows that you're in the early stages of pregnancy. I can do an ultrasound to confirm it again but this raises a lot more questions about you and your true medical history."

The doctor continued to speak, but Matt didn't hear anything past that. For a split second he wanted to laugh, then the logical part of his brain kicked in. He focused on himself, on his body, turning off his senses to everything else.

He didn't need an ultrasound to confirm anything. Within seconds he could hear the baby's heartbeat.

Shortly thereafter, everything went black and Matt passed out.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I'm not Catholic. I did not grow up with much religion. Please correct me if I'm wrong about any of the mortal sins or whatnot.

Ch. 7

"He's coming around."

That was the first thing that Matt heard. Slowly, he woke up. Apparently he was on the exam table. How had he gotten there? Last he remembered, he was sitting on a chair.

"What happened?" Matt asked, pushing himself up.

"Hey, just keep lying down," Claire pushed him back. "Just relax. You fainted."

Matt searched his memory in an attempt to recall why he'd passed out. Then it hit him.

"You guys said that I was pregnant, right?" Matt's voice was shaky. "I thought maybe it was a joke but…" He trailed off, suddenly feeling sick again.

Seeing Matt pale, Claire grabbed a trash can while the doctor helped him turn onto his side. For the next few minutes Matt threw up everything in his system. Claire rubbed his back and the doctor applied a cold compress to the back of his neck. Eventually, there was nothing else to come up and Matt pushed the basket away.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, lying on his back once again.

"Don't be. It's… It's a lot to take in," Claire told him.

It was then that Matt realized that Foggy wasn't in the room.

"Where'd Foggy go?"

"He went to use the bathroom."

Matt snorted. Foggy was probably freaking the hell out.

Once he was stabilized, the doctor began to talk again.

"I have to ask you some personal questions, Mr. Murdock."

"Yeah."

Matt felt like the room was spinning. His heart was pounding. He tried to force it to slow.

"I didn't see any reference to it in your medical files, but have you undergone any hormone therapy? I know it's not something many people like to talk about, but more and more people are coming out as transgendered now and there's nothing to be ashamed of."

"No. I was born male."

Right then, Foggy entered the office, looking almost as pale as Matt.

"Sorry about that. I needed to pinch myself and splash some water on my face and bang my head into the wall. You know, had to make sure I wasn't dreaming." He looked at Matt, "I see you're awake."

"Oh, Foggy, you're bleeding!" Claire said. She began gathering some supplies. He wasn't lying about hitting his head against the wall apparently.

While Claire tended to Foggy's cut, Matt spoke.

"I was just telling Dr. Kelly that I was born male."

"There must have been some abnormality, then… though hermaphrodites are sterile." The doctor seemed perplexed.

"I think I know what happened," Matt told her. "But...I need some time. I trust that you'll keep this confidential?"

"I'm bound by law to."

Matt nodded and began to stand up. Foggy escaped Claire's grasp and instantly came to his side to support him.

"Thank you," Matt said, "Thank you both."

"You need medical care, Mr. Murdock," the doctor protested, as Matt started making his way towards the door.

"I know. I'll be in contact with Claire. Thank you again."

Matt and Foggy walked out before the doctor could respond.

00

"How the fuck are you pregnant?!" Foggy asked.

They were sitting in the park, in the shade, far away from anyone else.

"That doctor injected me with those nanobot things. Brent said that he was researching tissue regeneration and was employed by the Japanese government. Japan has a problem with their birth rates. They're very low, the population is decreasing. Women are working, and people are busy caring for their parents. If someone could figure out how to allow males to carry children, it could help solve that problem. The experiments… Nobu… it all makes sense. He was trying to help his country. Admittedly, in a weird and twisted way."

"So you're saying that he injected you with nanobots that gave you a fucking uterus?"

"My guess is nanobots and some other things too. Whatever my body would need to help create another organ, and of course sperm from another parent…" Matt cringed at that thought.

"Christ." Foggy shook his head, "I don't even know what to say. Only you would end up like this."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you got yourself into this by stalking everyone connected to Fisk! If you'd just let it go once he was incarcerated, you wouldn't be in this situation!"

Matt didn't respond. He knew that Foggy was probably more concerned and shocked than anything and that it was manifesting as anger.

When he got no reply, Foggy apologized.

"I'm sorry, Matt. I know this is huge. It's just… this is a life changer, man. Are you gonna keep it? Wait, _can_ you even get rid of it? You didn't ask."

"I don't know. About any of it, I mean. If I could get rid of it, I don't know if I would." Matt hadn't really thought that far. He was still processing what was going on.

"You really gotta tell Karen, Matt. I know you don't want to upset her but she needs to know."

"I'll tell her if I have to."

"When? When you look like… I don't know, when you look like you swallowed a beach ball? She's gonna know that something's up and she's going to know soon, unless you get rid of it before she finds out. Fuck, man!"

Matt rubbed the back of his neck. His head was starting to hurt, probably due to stress and low blood sugar.

"Can we get something to eat?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Huh? Well… Yeah, sure I guess you should have something considering you're eating for two, now." Foggy sounded less upset.

"Heh." Matt got up. "Lead the way."

00

After their meal, Foggy left Matt at the church. Matt had said something about needing to see Father Lantom. He'd asked Foggy to cover for him with Karen. Tell her that he was okay and would be back shortly. Foggy had reluctantly agreed.

Now, Matt was sitting in the church's basement. The father had graciously agreed to another meeting over lattes.

"Father, I have an odd question to ask you."

The priest smiled.

"You always have interesting questions, Matthew. What's on your mind?"

"Let's say for argument's sake, a child is born that shouldn't be born. Meaning, the child wasn't asked for."

"You mean like child born out of rape?"

"Sort of. It would be a sin to abort the child, right?"

"Well… Yes, all life is precious, so the mother should keep the child. At least that is the church's perspective."

"Okay. Hypothetically, what if the child was born to a man. Would the same rule apply? Would it be considered a monster, or would the man be considered one? What if the man didn't ask for it?"

Father Lantom stared at Matt for a moment.

"That _is_ an odd question. I can tell you what I personally think, if you'd like."

"Okay."

"I don't think that God considers any of his children to be monsters. He would love the man no matter his condition. I think he would want the child to live, if the father could carry it safely. All things happen for a reason, perhaps the child would be special."

"It would be a mortal sin if it was aborted."

"Yes."

"But God forgives sin if we ask for forgiveness."

"Of course, Matthew." The priest was starting to become concerned. "Are you alright, son? You've come to me with some strange things before but never anything like this."

"No. I'm not alright, and I'm not sure if I ever will be."

00

Matt returned home as the sun began to set. He made a quick call to Karen and informed her that he was alright, that the doctor had given him a prescription and that he wanted to rest. She had offered to come over and take care of him, but he refused. He needed to be alone. Needed to think.

He was feeling tired, so he went to bed early. Yet he was unable to sleep. He lay awake, wondering what he ought to do. He'd have to talk to Claire again, that was for sure. See if she could help him get more information.

Matt wondered how Karen would react if he told her the truth. Would she be disgusted? She might run off. He wouldn't really blame her if she did. At the same time, he wasn't sure if he could stand to lose her right then. Everything was so confusing, so frightening, and she was so kind and loving.

He closed his eyes ran a hand over his stomach. It was still flat. Then he listened for the baby's heart beat. It was fast, but consistent.

For what felt like hours, he laid there and listened, thinking about the spark inside of him, the thing that was dependent on him for everything. He thought about what he or she might look like. Would it look like him? Or the other father? Who was the other father?

There were so many questions. Matt didn't get much rest.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Warning for a brief mention of suicidal thoughts and lots of talk about Matt terminating the pregnancy in this chapter. To avoid getting yelled at, let me just say that it would be a shitty mpreg if the kid died 3 months in.

Also, Karen's perspective will be shown more in the next chapter.

Ch. 8

Matt planned to meet with Claire after work the following day. They were going to go somewhere secluded and talk over his options. In the meantime, he resolved to play it cool with Karen and stick to the story that endoscopy confirmed an ulcer and that he was taking medicine for it but that it might take some time to kick in. There was no use saying anything until he made a final decision about what to do.

Thankfully, Karen again bought his lie. She did mention that he seemed to be acting strangely, but when he reassured her that he was just tired, she dropped it.

The work day passed by slowly, mainly because Matt was tired and he wasn't getting any work done. Every time he tried to start on anything, he would quickly become focused on the baby's heartbeat or the questions surrounding the whole situation. When the day finally ended, Matt gave Karen a kiss goodbye and promised to visit her later in the evening. Then he headed off to meet Claire.

00

Claire met him at a local diner. By the time Matt arrived, she was halfway through her second cup of coffee.

"Hi," Matt said, as he slid into the seat across from her.

"Hey. How are you?"

Matt shook his head.

"I don't know."

"That's fair. Are you feeling okay, though?"

"I threw up again this morning and I'm tired, but that's normal for me lately." It was at that second that Matt realized that he would have to give up his pursuit of Fisk's associates for quite a while. Physically, he wouldn't be capable of doing much. He could get tired and make mistakes. The thought made him depressed.

"You look upset," Claire noted.

"Just thinking that I can't go out at night for a while."

"No, you can't."

"I have so many questions."

"Maybe I can help with some of them. I have some information about your current situation."

"Go on."

"Given the date that you were found in the abandoned building and the amount of time that you were sick prior to visiting Dr. Kelly, I'd estimate that you're ten and a half weeks along. That means that you're nearing the end of the first trimester."

"So… six more months, then?" Matt began to feel dizzy again. For some reason, he had imagined that he had more time.

"Approximately. Assuming that you keep the baby, you'll start showing soon. It won't be much at first but within the next month or two you'll see some changes."

"Great." Matt's response was sarcastic. "But you said 'if I keep it'. That means that it could be terminated?"

"I mean, you should have a doctor check you over, but based on the CT scans, it would be similar to surgically aborting a fetus inside of a woman except they'd have to open you up because you don't have a vagina. By the way, do you plan on telling me exactly what happened? The last thing you said before leaving yesterday was that you understood what caused this."

"Well," Matt began, "It's kind of a weird story."

00

"If what you're saying is true, then the nanobots must have malfunctioned, or something else must have gone wrong with the experiment, otherwise you'd have external female genitalia and you'd have breasts. Or at least the beginnings of them. Which means that you really, really need to go to a doctor."

Matt sighed.

"I know, Claire. There are already so many people involved… and I don't think Dr. Kelly wants to deal with me."

"Even if she did, she's not the best choice. You need an obstetrician. A very open minded obstetrician."

"And where the hell do I find that?" Matt was becoming annoyed. He noticed that was happening more frequently, lately. He would be calm one moment then angry or sad or even happy the next.

Claire glared at him.

"Don't get snippy with me. I'm going to order you some ice cream, maybe it'll help you relax."

"What? Claire, that's not -"

Too late. Claire had already flagged the waitress down.

"He'll have a chocolate fudge sundae and some water and I'll have another cup of coffee," she said.

The waitress glanced at Matt and noticed the angry look on his face, then turned back to Claire.

"Right. Anything else?"

"That's all, thanks."

The waitress nodded and walked off. When they were alone again, Matt spoke.

"There was no reason to do that! You're embarrassing me!"

"Oh, chill. It's just some ice cream. It'll make you feel better. Trust me."

00

Much as Matt loathed to admit it, Claire had been right. Now that he actually had some sugar in him he felt better. At least, he felt less like screaming and punching things.

As Matt finished the last of his dessert, Claire tried again.

"Now, if you're feeling better, I have an idea about an obstetrician. My cousin's actually one."

Matt put his spoon down and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"Really?"

"Yeah. She's out in Jersey but not too far. Right over the bridge in Fort Lee."

"Is she nice?"

"She's really nice."

"More importantly, will she keep her mouth shut? I really don't want this getting out more than it has."

"Afraid of being on the front page again?"

"I don't want any attention, especially regarding this. It's bad enough that I'm a freak, I don't need it highlighted for all the world to see."

"I'll talk to her, not tell her your name and see what she says. I think she'll take you on if only because she loves a challenge. She's still young, nowhere near jaded yet."

"Thank you, Claire," Matt said, sincerely. "You've gone above and beyond for me."

Claire smiled.

"It's my job. I'm your nurse, after all. I have to take care of you."

00

After Claire and Matt parted ways, Matt called Foggy.

"So what'd she say?" Foggy was at home, watching television. He'd be awaiting Matt's call if only because he was curious about everything going on.

"She's going to try to hook me up with an obstetrician. Apparently her cousin has a practice in Jersey. Claire said her cousin is nice and might take my case but she'll talk to her first."

"Good. Anything else?"

"Yeah. She said she thinks that I could… you know."

"No, I don't."

"That I could terminate it. But it would be more invasive than a typical abortion."

"I see. What do you think about that?" Foggy wasn't exactly sure what Matt felt, considering his religious views.

"I don't know what to think. I think...I think I need to take it one day at a time."

"You know, either way, Karen's going to find out about it. Either you keep it and start showing and you can only play up the 'gaining weight' part for so long, or you go get surgery and are incapacitated for a few days and she has to take care of you. Even if you play off the surgery as something else, some other type of operation… She's not stupid, Matt. Something will happen, you'll slip up sometime or someone else will. I know you don't want to but I really think you should tell her. I'll even go with you if you want, help mediate any arguments."

Matt could feel his heart start beating faster. His breathing became faster too. He knew what was about to happen. He was about to have a panic attack. He hated knowing that it was going to happen but being unable to stop it, and ever since he'd found out about his condition he'd been having them more often.

"Matt?" Foggy asked, after Matt didn't respond.

"Here," Matt replied.

Foggy could hear him hyperventilating.

"Where are you?"

"Park."

"I'm two blocks away."

Nothing, just the sound of more breathing.

"I'm coming now."

Foggy hung up the phone and put on his shoes. He was on his way to the park within less than a minute.

00

Matt felt dizzy. On top of that, he felt like walls were closing in on him, even though he was outside. He felt like he couldn't get enough air into his lungs, and he began gasping. The park was nearly devoid of others, so no one stopped to help. Matt wondered if his heart could explode from beating so quickly. And now his hands were shaking.

Then someone placed their hands on his shoulders.

"It's Foggy," a voice said.

Matt could hear the other person sit down on the bench next to him. Before he knew it, he was being pulled into a hug.

"Matt. You need to calm down."

"...Foggy."

"It's me, Matt. You need to calm down," he repeated, before holding Matt a little tighter. "You're freaking out. Come on. Try to breath normally."

Matt struggled to control his breathing, forcing himself to inhale more slowly.

"Good. Keep doing that."

Foggy was still holding him. It helped.

"Keep going," Foggy urged, when Matt's heart rate and breathing had started to get into the normal range.

When Matt finally stopped shaking, Foggy let him go.

"Good. Okay."

Matt had tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I mean, well, technically - ah, nevermind. It's not your fault. It's okay. You're not alone. I'm here. I'm sorry if what I said made you nervous."

Matt shook his head.

"If Karen finds out she'll leave. If I terminate the baby, I'll go to hell. If anyone finds out, anyone besides you and Claire and her cousin, I'll be in the news. In a bad way. I'd kill myself if it didn't mean doing more damage, because then it'd be me and the kid."

"Oh God, Matt, don't ever say that," Foggy pleaded, taking his friend's hands. "Please, don't ever even joke about that."

"I won't actually do it, it's just… I've never had this type of pressure. A lot of bad things have happened but not like this. Nothing has ever happened like this. I don't know what to do."

Matt was full out crying. Foggy closed his eyes and forced himself to stay calm. He wanted nothing more than to hug his friend again and tell him that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't do that. Everything might not be okay.

"Matt, we'll figure it out," he finally said. "I'm sure Claire will get you in contact with her cousin fast, and I think God… Well I think God understands when people are upset, or hurt, or pressured. Whatever you decide, you're a good person, and God knows that. Besides, there might be other options. You could put it up for adoption, for instance."

"Karen would find out, then."

"So what? She's not a bad person either. Even if she did leave, there are other fish in the sea. I'm sure you'd easily find someone else."

Matt nodded, unsure of what to say.

"At the very least, you'll have me. You'll never be by yourself. Understood?"

Matt half-smiled.

"Yeah, Foggy. Understood."

00

Claire had originally thought that her cousin would make Matt wait at least a week for an appointment. Despite only recently graduating from medical school, her cousin had a large amount of patients. Yet the young woman's curiosity got the best of her, and she told Karen that she would make time to see Matt as soon as he wanted.

Matt jumped on the opportunity and made an appointment to see her within three days from when he'd last talked to Claire.

"See?" Foggy had told him, "Things are working out."

Matt had to admit that he was glad. The quicker he could find out more his body and the baby, the better.

Foggy went with him again (he'd told Karen that they were having a 'guys night out') and together the two got on a bus and headed over the GWB.

00

Matt wasn't sure what to expect when he met Jessica Reyes. Claire had mentioned that she was young, but she seemed even younger than Matt.

She was a pretty girl, that much Matt could tell, if only because of the increase in Foggy's heart rate and the amount that he was sweating. It probably wasn't noticeable to Dr. Reyes, but Matt could smell it.

"Matthew Murdock," she said, reaching out to shake his hand, "I'm Jessica Reyes. I'm your friend Claire's cousin. Please, have a seat." She directed him to the exam table.

"This is my friend Foggy. Foggy Nelson," Matt said, seeing as how Foggy had yet to introduce himself.

The doctor smiled.

"Nice to meet you, Foggy."

"You too." Matt could tell that Foggy was probably grinning. "I, uh, noticed that there weren't any other patients here."

"We close at six. It's better that you both came after hours, anyway." She turned to Matt, "Claire told me that you're a bit high profile. I can understand why."

Matt nodded, "I just want to try to find out some more about what's going on."

"I know. Claire was able to get me some copies of your medical files and your CT scan results. From the looks of it, you're definitely pregnant. I'd like to do a basic physical of my own, first, then an ultrasound, then we can go from there. How does that sound?"

Usually Matt hated this type of thing, but Jessica made him feel at ease. Her office didn't even smell like a hospital. He was sure that everything was sterile, but there was a comfortable feeling about the place, as if care was taken to ensure that patients were happy.

"That's fine," Matt agreed.

"Good. First things first, we'll start with blood pressure."

00

The initial exam went well. Nothing had really changed since the previous week, though Matt still had some questions. In particular, how much more his body would change and if he could safely carry the child to term.

Dr. Reyes patiently answered him. She was very honest but also kind.

"You're not going to grow any external female genitalia. Your nipples might get sore and your pectoral area may become a little swollen but I doubt you'll develop breasts. You'll probably notice a change in your muscle development. It will be reduced. You may notice that you have less or lighter body hair and that your skin is changing. And there will likely be a decrease in your libido, if you haven't already experienced that. But, I do think that with the proper planning and support you could carry the child to term. It would be delivered via c-section."

Matt took all of this in. He tried to imagine how different his body might feel, if his skin was softer or if he had less body hair. It seemed weird. As the doctor had guessed, he had already noticed a decrease in his libido. Karen hadn't been pushing him for sex since he'd been sick, so she had yet to find out, but he had little to no sex drive as of late.

After he processed all of this information, the doctor started on the ultrasound.

Jessica had him unbutton his jeans and pull up his shirt. She gave him a pillow to rest his head on.

"This is going to be cold," the doctor warned him.

Matt barely reacted when he felt the cold gel hit his skin. The doctor began moving a wand around on his abdomen. After a few minutes, she stopped.

"From the looks of it, you're about eleven weeks along. One more week and you'll be out of the first trimester," she informed him. "The fetus appears to be healthy." She began wiping off the gel and helped Matt pull his shirt back down.

Matt wasn't sure how to feel about it. Part of him was glad that the baby was healthy, but part of him was disappointed. If it had been sickly it would make him feel better about the question he had next.

"If I wanted to terminate it… I mean, is it possible to terminate it?"

"It's possible but would require surgical intervention."

"How long would I be unable to work for?"

"Depends. You're a lawyer, right? You don't do a lot of manual labor, so probably a week or so. Of course, if we went further and removed the uterus, recovery would take up to six weeks."

Fuck. Matt hadn't even thought about that. He didn't particularly like the thought of having an extra organ inside of him, so if he was going to get the surgery, he'd rather have everything removed, but six weeks was a long time.

"Could I do it separately?"

"Terminate the fetus and later remove the uterus? Yes, you could."

Matt took a deep breath. Maybe that was the answer, then, even if damned him to hell. Terminate the fetus and go back for another surgery. He would be a horrible parent, anyway. It wasn't like he had much experience with family. He'd probably end up accidentally messing the kid up somehow, he thought to himself.

The 'horrible parent' part was a lie, and Matt knew it, but he had to tell himself something to psych himself up for what was to come. He truly couldn't imagine being a parent, not now. Not with all that was going on and not without a wife or someone to help. He doubted that Karen would want to help raise a kid that wasn't hers.

"When, um," Matt started, but stopped, taking a minute to calm down. It was no use, though. "When could you terminate it?" He could hear his voice faltering as he felt the urge to cry. He told himself that it was the hormones doing it.

Foggy looked at him, surprised by his question, but kept quiet.

"Well, I can do it on Wednesday, if you want. The office is closed that day and I believe Claire has off as well. Besides, I'd at least like to give you a few days to think it over."

"Not sooner?" Wednesday was four days off. Matt really didn't want to think about it for that long. The more he thought about it, the worse he would feel. He knew himself too well.

"I have other patients, Mr. Murdock. I can't just close the office for you."

"Alright," Matt agreed, "Wednesday, then. Wednesday morning?"

The doctor nodded, "I'll confirm with Claire, but Wednesday morning sounds fine."


	9. Chapter 9

Ch. 9

Karen wasn't surprised when Matt met up with her the next day and admitted that he hadn't gone out with Foggy for fun, but had gone to the doctor instead.

Matt had been distant, lately. He'd always been somewhat mysterious and introverted but it seemed as if it was getting worse. He had now started lying and hiding things, and Karen really didn't know what to do.

She'd tried talking with him and attempting to get him to open up, maybe voice his fears or concerns about how sick he had been feeling, but it hadn't worked. Matt hadn't even let her come to the doctor with him. Pressing him for information would probably upset him, so she never tried that. Now, though, it was really starting to grate on her. What was the point in being in a relationship if her partner refused to let her in, so to speak?

Then again, Karen had her own secrets. She hadn't told Matt about what had happened with Wesley, or her thoughts on how she felt that she had caused Ben's death. She didn't want to relive any of it, and telling anyone about it would force her to do just that.

In the end she accepted it as a fair trade, at least, for now. Maybe over time she would be able to share her story and her feelings, and maybe Matt would do the same. She did care about Matt and wanted their relationship to reach that point eventually.

Still, It didn't make her feel any less stressed when Matt told her that the doctor had told him that he needed to have surgery on Wednesday morning. The fact that he wouldn't even let her wait at the hospital for him made it worse.

The only thing that kept Karen from getting upset was the hope that once his procedure was done, Matt might return to his normal self.

00

Matt and Foggy left for the doctor's office at six am. Matt hadn't slept the night before, the thought of what he was about to do had kept him up. He wondered if the baby would feel anything, any pain. He was tempted to look it up but decided against it. Doing any research would just make things harder.

Foggy had put more planning and preparation into the ordeal than Matt had. He had forced Matt to wear sweatpants and a t-shirt rather than the jeans he usually wore, if only because it might be harder for him to get back into a pair of jeans after surgery. He'd also taken out the cash required for the surgery (since they were doing it without insurance). Matt could pay him back later. Finally, Foggy had even gone so far as to rent a car so that he could drive Matt home, rather than have him take the bus.

During the drive to the office, Matt was quiet. Foggy could tell that he was nervous.

"It's going to be alright," Foggy tried to re-assure him. "In a few hours it will all be over and you can go home and rest."

Matt nodded in response, unsure of what to say. He felt horrible about what he was about to do, but he felt like overall it was the best option. With nowhere else to turn, he silently prayed for forgiveness.

00

Claire was already at the office when Matt and Foggy arrived. She was wearing a pair of dark blue scrubs that seemed to match the overall feeling of darkness that seemed to be hanging over everyone.

"Jessica is in the surgical room, prepping," Claire informed them.

When Matt said nothing, she tried again.

"Are you okay?" She asked, softly.

"No," Matt replied.

When he had first visited the office, the place had seemed happier. More comfortable. Now, he wouldn't have been surprised if the walls were painted gray and ceiling painted black. That sterile smell was coming through, probably because the doctor was sterilizing her surgical instruments. He would have panicked, had he not been so physically and mentally drained.

Claire frowned when she heard Matt's answer and took his hand.

"Why don't we go talk in the office for a moment," she suggested.

Matt said nothing, but followed her along. When they had reached their destination, Claire opened the door, let him in and helped him to a seat. Then she locked the door behind them.

"Matt, if you're uncomfortable with this, there are other options. I'm sure Jessica won't be angry if you change your mind."

"This is the best option," he replied. The response sounded rehearsed, and it was, to an extent. It was the mantra that he'd been using to keep himself sane for the past four days.

"If you're sure," Claire told him. "I just want you to know that you don't have to do it if you don't want to."

"I'm sure," Matt answered. "It has to be done."

00

After their conversation, Claire had Matt change into a hospital gown and led him to the room where the surgery would be performed.

"We're going to take your vitals, give you some oxygen and hook you up to a saline drip," Claire explained, as she helped him into a hospital bed. "Then Dr. Reyes is going to give you a twilight anesthetic. It's going to make you tired. You'll essentially be asleep. Dr. Reyes is going to make an incision on your lower abdomen, right above your pelvis, and will remove the fetus. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Matt answered.

"When you wake up, you're going to feel groggy. We're going to stay with you for observation for a little while."

"Okay."

"Foggy will be in the waiting room. When it's time for you to get dressed, he can help you if you need assistance and don't want me to do it."

"Okay."

"Okay," Claire repeated, "Let's get started."

00

The room was cold and it made Matt shiver. He could hear Claire helping the doctor finalize her tray of surgical instruments. Many of them seemed to be metal.

Even though he couldn't see it, Matt still closed his eyes, trying his hardest to ignore the sounds and feelings that the situation brought.

Unfortunately, his mind turned to other matters. For a brief moment, he imagined a little boy with light brown hair, just like he had as a child. The boy had some Asian features, notably in his eyes, and he had a playful smile. He looked to be about ten years old.

Matt realized that he was imagining what his unborn child might look like and it made him shiver again. Fuck, he just wanted this to be over. He hoped he didn't have nightmares when it was done.

Moments later, he heard the sound of a chair being pushed over to his bedside.

"Hi Mr. Murdock," Dr. Reyes greeted him. "I'm going to inform you of your current status and how I'm going to do this procedure before we begin."

Matt nodded.

"You are approximately twelve weeks pregnant. The fetus is small, about two inches long. Nonetheless, because of your male biology, I'll have to cut into you using a scalpel. Then I'm going to remove the fetus using a vacuum. I'll remove any other remains using a large pair of tweezers."

"Okay."

"Your vital signs are normal. We're going to give you an IV and begin administering the anesthetic."

Matt said nothing as Claire hooked up the line, not even flinching in pain from the needle.

"Alright. I'm going to begin administering the anesthetic. Count backwards from ten…"

Matt closed his eyes and almost instantly the image of the little boy appeared again. Then he felt the anesthetic being pushed into his bloodstream. The last thing he remembered was yelling "No, no no!" before it all went black.

00

About twenty minutes later, Matt woke up. He was unsure of where he was. Something about the room seemed weird. It was cold, and it smelled…

Then it hit him. He was at Dr. Reyes' practice, where he was going to have an abortion. The last thoughts he had before blacking out came back to him. He noticed the sound of someone breathing nearby. Someone was at his side.

"Is it done?" Matt asked, weakly. He was still under the influence of the anesthetic.

"No," Dr. Reyes answered. "As I started putting you under you started screaming to stop. As I'd already injected the anesthetic, we decided to let you sleep it off. But no, I did not perform the abortion."

"Oh," Matt said, slightly dazed. "Thanks...I think I wanna keep it."

00

The doctor had explained that the anesthetic was not apt to harm the fetus, as it wasn't that strong. Matt had been relieved about that, but the drive back to Matt's apartment was still extremely quiet. Neither Matt nor Foggy really knew what to say, but Foggy finally opened his mouth as he pulled up.

"I know it's going to be more difficult, but I'm sure everything will work out."

"Thanks," Matt replied, getting out of the car, "I hope you're right."


	10. Chapter 10

Ch. 10

Matt had to come clean with Karen. Even if it meant losing her, he felt like it was necessary. If he was going to keep the baby, she was going to find out, and better to find out from him now then be surprised later. Besides, why keep living with the fear of what would happen when she found out? Better to rip the bandaid off fast then to do it slowly.

For hours after he returned home, Matt thought of what he should say.

"Karen, I have some things I need to tell you," he started. "And you may want to sit down."

That sounded good. She should probably sit down. From there, though, things got harder. There was so much to say - both secrets - his secret identity and his current situation - had to be revealed, and they were so complicated…

Matt was still thinking about it when Karen showed up. She was wearing the perfume that he liked, probably trying to put him in a good mood after his procedure. Karen was nice like that, but her efforts made him feel guilty. He felt even worse when she offered him some dinner that she'd brought over. Apparently she'd cooked for him, knowing that he might be too uncomfortable to make anything for himself. Why did she have to be so damn nice?

Matt suggested putting the food away for right then, because he needed to talk to her. He could hear Karen's heart rate increase and smell the small amount of sweat that was forming on her body. He wondered if she feared that he would break up with her. 'We need to talk' was never a good statement, he supposed.

"I have some things I need to tell you," he began, just as he had planned. "And you may want to take a seat."

Karen raised an eyebrow (not that Matt could see it) and sat down in one of the chairs across from the couch.

"Okay," she answered. "What's up?"

Matt sighed.

"This is… It's going to be a lot for you to take in. And you're probably going to hate me after it."

"I don't think I could ever hate you."

"We'll see."

"Okay…"

Her heart rate had slowed. She was likely more confused than anything, now.

"You know… You remember the Devil of Hell's Kitchen? The guy they call Daredevil now?"

"Yeah, of course. He saved me and all."

"It's… He's… He's me."

Silence. He heard Karen take a deep breath, then start to chuckle.

"Okay, nice one, Matt. What do you really want to talk about?"

"I'm not joking," Matt replied, seriously. "I'm really him. I can prove it."

Karen was silent for a second again.

"Prove it?"

"Yeah. Come here." He stood up and led Karen to his closet, where he pulled out the box that held his father's boxing stuff and his old black outfit. He took the shirt, sticks and mask out and held them up for her to see.

There was more silence.

"...This is a Halloween costume, right? I don't get it, Matt. Even if you… I mean, you're blind, for Christ's sake."

That remark irked Matt more than he would have liked to admit. He threw the black shirt, mask and sticks down and pulled out his new red and black suit.

"Just because I'm blind doesn't mean that I don't know what's going on around me. I can hear things, feel things, smell things. I can fight, Karen. I'm the one who saved you that night when you were attacked in your apartment. I knew to go there because I knew you were lying about keeping the information from Union Allied. And I knew that you were telling the truth about not killing Daniel Fisher, too, when I first met you, because I could hear your heartbeat. I can tell that just before, when I said we needed to talk, you got nervous."

"How…? I mean, Daredevil can really fight… How did you learn that? It's not like boxing, Matt, not like what your dad would've done."

Matt had memories of explaining this to Foggy, and he didn't really want to draw it out with Karen.

"It's a long story, but I had a mentor as a kid. I trained - and I continue to train - and I use my heightened senses to my advantage. Do you want me to put on the suit and show you?" Matt still felt annoyed. He had hoped that maybe Karen would give him a little more credit, but at the same time he felt that he shouldn't have been surprised. He did play up the 'regular blind guy' act pretty well.

Karen thought for a moment, unsure of what to say. Finally she settled on "holy shit."

She didn't seem angry. More shocked than anything. Matt took that as a good sign and continued.

"I'm sorry for keeping it from you, but I didn't want you to get sucked in to everything that I've had to do to help put Fisk away."

Karen shook her head.

"You're right. I need to be sitting down."

The two went back to Matt's living room and took their seats. Karen pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to take in what she had just learned.

"I understand if you're upset," Matt started, but Karen cut him off.

"I - I don't know how to feel, Matt. If what you're saying is true then you know far more about me than I could ever know about you, and to be honest it bothers me. If I even tell a little white lie, you'll know. You probably can tell where I've been just by smelling me or something."

"Well… If I wanted to, I could, but I usually don't do that. I have to focus if I want to to hear or smell or sense something so clearly."

"Fuck."

After yet another awkward silence, Matt spoke again.

"There's more."

"Oh, God. What else?" Now she sounded angry. Matt flinched and felt his stomach knot. He wanted to stop now, to stop talking, then maybe Karen would forgive him and they would be okay… But the baby still existed, and she would find out soon…All of it made his head hurt.

Ultimately, Matt decided to just go with his plan of telling her everything. He was too far into it to back out anyway.

"I… Well. Those days when I was missing -"

"-That had to do with the mask, didn't it? You were doing something! I was so worried about you! I didn't sleep at all, Matt! I was terrified that someone or something had hurt you! Where were you? Fighting someone?"

She definitely sounded pissed.

"I went to an abandoned building because I tracked some of the men connected to Nobu there."

"Nobu?"

"One of Fisk's associates. He was like a ninja, we fought once and it ended badly. Anyway, I-

"A ninja?! Are you fucking serious?!"

"Yes, Karen, I am."

"Ugh. Go on."

"The building was rumored to house some of Nobu's associates, people he had been funneling money to. I intended to take them out, shut down whatever operation they had. But they caught me off guard, gassed me with something - CO, I think - and restrained me."

"So you were restrained by the friends of a ninja in an abandoned building," Karen replied, wanting to ensure that she was understanding this correctly.

"Yes. I woke up on the bed I was found in. Foggy and Brent found me there. But before they did, the Japanese guys, they injected me with something. More than one thing."

"Foggy knew about your other identity, then." Now she sounded calmer. The quick change in Karen's emotions made Matt nervous.

"He did, but please don't blame him. He wanted me to tell you, but I was afraid."

Karen frowned.

"Is that what made you sick? The injections?"

"It did more than make me sick."

"What do you mean?" Karen wasn't sure that she wanted to know, but she felt that she had to ask.

"The whole thing was an experiment - I had no idea that they were doing anything like it."

"Get on with it."

"I… You probably won't believe me, but I'm pregnant."

Karen blinked.

"Now you've really got to be kidding me! How the hell is that even possible? Last time I checked you were a guy, Matt! Or wait, is there something else you're not telling me? What, were you born with a vagina or something? Are you some type of… some type of a hermaphrodite?!"

Karen stood up and began pacing. She wanted to scream, punch something. She wanted to get away more than anything. She needed to think.

"No, no! I - it's not - the injection contained nanobots and some of the building blocks that my body would need to produce a uterus. I don't have a vagina but they also added in something else - someone else's sperm, to fertilize the eggs that my uterus would produce. God, it feels weird saying that."

Karen stopped pacing and looked at Matt.

"Please tell me that you're kidding me."

"I wish I was. I can ask Claire for some ultrasound photos, if you want proof."

"No thanks," Karen huffed. "So all this time, all of these visits to the doctor, the story about having an ulcer - all of it was a lie! You knew what was going on, didn't you?"

"Not at first, no," Matt answered truthfully. "I only found out a couple of weeks ago."

Karen started heading towards the door.

"I can't believe you," She said, grabbing her coat.

Matt grabbed her arm, trying to stop her from leaving.

"Karen, please! I'm sorry that I kept all of this from you but I had to tell you. I went today to get an abortion, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill an innocent."

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long until you… I don't know… Give birth?" Karen felt somewhat disgusted by that prospect.

"Six months."

Karen took a deep breath and shoved Matt's hand away. She opened the door.

"I need to go now, Matt. I need to think." Despite her neutral tone, Matt could sense that she was anything but calm.

"Karen, please, I really care about you -"

Karen responded by walking out and slamming the door behind her.

00

Neither Matt nor Foggy was surprised when Karen didn't show up at the office the following morning. Matt knew that she needed space, and Foggy had received a late night phone call from Karen detailing everything that had been discussed.

They had spoke rationally, with Foggy listening to Karen more than anything. He wasn't as concerned about her as he was about Matt. The man looked terrible. Granted, he often looked terrible lately, but today seemed worse than usual.

"Matt," Foggy greeted him, wrapping an arm around his friend's shoulders.

Matt had bags under his eyes and his hair was disheveled. He hadn't shaved, either.

Foggy led Matt into his office and sat him down.

"Listen, Karen called me last night. I know what happened. You really don't have to be here if you don't want to be. Go home and rest. I can take care of everything here."

Matt felt his stomach hurt again. Ever since Karen had walked out, he'd had a perpetual feeling as if he'd been kicked.

"You talked to her?" He asked, softly.

"Yes, I did. She told me what happened."

Matt nodded, "How did she sound?"

"Upset. And from the looks of it, you're feeling similarly."

"I need the distraction," Matt said, in regards to work. "If I go home, I'll keep thinking about it."

Foggy placed a hand on Matt's shoulder. If Matt stayed at work, he probably wouldn't get much done, and if he went home, he'd likely sulk all day. It was then that Foggy made an executive decision.

"How about we get you a distraction elsewhere? We can both take the day off. There's not much going on and it's nice outside."

Matt 'looked' in Foggy's direction.

"Where would you want to go?"

"Hmm," Foggy replied, "How about we go get some breakfast at Westway and hit up Central Park afterward? You know, get some fresh air, take a walk. Our work will be here tomorrow."

Despite the hurt that Matt was feeling, he was still hungry. His stomach growled after Foggy mentioned getting something to eat.

"I'll take that as a yes, then?" Foggy asked.

"Yeah," Matt replied, pushing himself up. "Let's go."

00

"That enough sugar for you?" Foggy joked, looking over Matt's breakfast.

Matt had ordered a waffle sundae as he'd been craving something sweet. The waitress must have realized that he was either tired or upset, because she added in two extra scoops of ice cream and extra pineapple sauce. He topped off his meal with a large glass of orange juice. Foggy found the combination somewhat odd, but didn't mention it.

"It's perfect," Matt replied, before taking a bite. "For some reason lately all I want is sugar," he added, though the statement came out muffled as his mouth was still full.

"Eh, my sister had a weird thing for Key Lime Pie when she was pregnant. I guess it's different for everyone."

Matt shrugged and took another bite.

"Speaking of," Foggy continued, "She got a cat."

"Your sister?" Matt asked, "I thought she hates animals."

"Apparently it showed up on her porch and kept meowing and her daughter convinced her to keep it. Now the cat follows her everywhere. She named it Darth Mittens."

"Like Darth Vader? Your sister is such a nerd," Matt joked.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a nerd!" Foggy said, playfully. "It is a really cute cat though."

The two made light conversation until they finished their meals. By the time Matt was done, he had far more energy. His mood had picked up, too. He figured it must be a sugar high and felt determined to take advantage of it while he could.

"To the park?" Matt asked, as Foggy paid the check.

"Yep. I'll lead the way."

00

Foggy had been right - getting out of the office had proved to be a good distraction. Matt and Foggy walked along the park's trails, talking and joking. Foggy was saying most of the jokes, but he didn't mind. It was nice to see Matt smile.

At the end of the day, Foggy went with Matt back to his apartment. He'd offered to stay over, and Matt had agreed.

Around nine, Foggy went to the bathroom to shower and change his clothes. He expected to find Matt relaxing when he got out, but instead, he entered the living room to see that Matt was sitting with his head in his hands, crying.

"Oh, Matt," Foggy whispered, coming closer to his friend. Foggy sat down next to him and quietly pulled Matt into his arms.

"I'm a freak," Matt said, in between sobs. "I can't blame her. She hates me!"

Foggy rubbed Matt's back.

"She doesn't hate you. She's just confused. Give her time."

Matt said nothing but continued to cry. Eventually Foggy got Matt into the bedroom. There, they laid in Matt's bed. Foggy held Matt until he cried himself to sleep, all the while silently lamenting that such a nice day had turned out so badly.


	11. Chapter 11

Ch. 11

A month had passed since Karen had walked out of Matt's apartment and essentially out of his life.

Since then, Matt had been bored.

Foggy had stepped up and done his best to comfort his friend, as had Claire. She'd once turned down a relationship with him due to his activities as Daredevil, but now that he was forced to stop, she seemed more open to friendship.

Still, Foggy and Claire had their own lives and other things to do besides entertain Matt, so he often ended up staying at home, listening to the television or surfing the internet. Sometimes, on nice nights, he would sit on the roof and listen to the neighborhood. Many evenings, he simply came home and went directly to bed, no matter how early it was.

Besides being bored, Matt was also depressed. He showed up to work, but even doing that took most of his energy. Lying in bed seemed to be the best use of his time. He could rest and think without much interruption, and he definitely had a lot to think about.

Now that he was four months along, he had begun feeling the baby move. Not kicking, just moving.

Dr. Reyes had explained that he probably wouldn't feel any movement prior to sixteen weeks, but Matt had noticed it before that. Now, though, it was almost constant. He supposed that it had to do with how in-tune he was with his body. Occasionally the movement made him feel happy, but mainly it made him feel nervous.

There was so much to do.

He'd have to find another apartment, if he kept the kid. He'd been considering putting it up for adoption, but he wasn't sure if he would have the heart.

His current apartment was too small, and the light from the sign outside would surely bother the baby.

Then there was the matter of furniture and clothing and all of the accessories that he would need. It would all cost a lot of money, something that he didn't have right then. Maybe, if he'd started a family in a few years, once the practice was bigger, it wouldn't have been an issue, but for now things would be difficult.

The topping on the cake was the fact that he had started to show. He had noticed subtle changes before, but now he could definitely feel the difference. At least for the time being, he could still wear his clothes, and most people would probably think that he'd just gained a little weight. That was one of the upsides to being a guy in his situation, he thought. No one would suspect what was really going on.

00

Matt felt that things probably couldn't get much worse. Of course, they did.

Karen hadn't shown up to the office in four weeks, yet Foggy was still paying her. Matt found this out by accident. It had been a slow day and Matt had happened to hear Foggy talking on the phone. He recognized the voice on the other line immediately.

Matt wasn't sure what to make of it at first. He ended up asking Foggy about it casually, and to his surprise, Foggy admitted that not only had he continued to pay Karen despite her absence, but he was still in regular contact with her.

Matt felt hurt and betrayed, but at the same time he understood that it was unfair to ask Foggy to end his friendship with Karen just because she'd left Matt.

Foggy explained that he was trying to help Karen come to terms with Matt's predicament so that perhaps she would come back and work for them, or maybe even get back together with Matt. It had yet to work, though, and in the end it just made Matt feel worse.

Matt left work that day and didn't come back.

00

Foggy was worried.

Matt hadn't shown up in four days.

On the first day, Foggy had gone to Matt's apartment to check on him, but he found it empty. He came back later that evening, hoping that Matt had gone out for the day, but the place was deserted. All calls went straight to voicemail, meaning that Matt had turned off his phone.

On the second day, he checked with Claire. Maybe Matt had contacted her. His hopes were quickly dashed; she hadn't heard from him either.

On the third day, Foggy filed a missing person's report. Brent had thankfully taken the report seriously. He and another officer set out on a search, calling everywhere from hospitals to hotels. A small crew was even sent out on the Hudson to search the waters, just in case Matt had... Foggy didn't even want to finish that thought.

He and Claire got together, hoping and praying that Matt would be found soon, alive and well.


	12. Chapter 12

Ch. 12

It took Brett another week to locate Matt. He'd been staying at a shitty Motel 6 over the bridge in Jersey.

Brett then contacted the motel's manager and asked if he had seen Matt recently, to which the manager replied that the maid had spoken to him earlier in the day. Satisfied that Matt was alive, Brett made a call to his room.

There was no answer, of course. Brett hadn't expected Matt to pick up, but he had hoped that he would.

In the end, he, Foggy and Claire took a bus across the GWB and visited the motel on foot. One flash of his badge was all it took for the motel's manager to hand over the spare set of keys to Matt's room.

00

Foggy knocked before trying the key. It seemed like the polite thing to do. He knocked, and no one answered. So he waited five minutes, then knocked again. Nothing.

Sighing, Brett took out the key and inserted it into the lock.

"It's Brett," he called out. "I'm here with Foggy and Claire. We're coming in."

He heard someone groan as he pushed the door open and instantly felt a pang of fear. Something was wrong.

The group walked in to find the room in pristine condition. The only thing that seemed out of place was the lump in the middle of the bed. Brett could make out that it was Matt. He had curled up and covered himself with blankets.

"Are you okay?" Foggy asked, quickly coming to Matt's bedside.

Claire followed closely behind him. She had already begun assessing the situation. The room looked like it was barely lived in. A shirt and a pair of sweatpants lay on the floor near the bed alongside a half empty gallon of water. She imagined that Matt had probably come to the motel with only the clothes on his back and was probably lying under the blankets in his underwear.

"Go away," Matt whispered, as Foggy tried to pull one of the blankets back. He weakly pushed off Foggy's hand.

Claire motioned for Foggy to move and took over his spot.

"Matt, it's Claire. I need to check you to see if you're alright."

She sounded angry or at the very least, annoyed. Matt could hear it in her voice.

"I'm fine," he replied, snuggling deeper into the blankets. No matter how tightly he wrapped himself, he still felt kind of cold. He briefly wondered if he ought to put his other clothing back on, but decided against it if only because of how awful it would feel against his skin. He hadn't washed the clothes in days. He hadn't had the energy.

Claire ignored his statement and placed a hand against his forehead.

"You're not fine. You're sick. Two choices - you let me examine you, or I call 911 and they take you to the hospital. I'm not playing games. I can tell you don't have the energy to get up and run out or you'd have hidden when you heard us coming in."

Matt sighed. Claire wasn't going to budge.

"Will you just let her look at you?" Brett asked, sounding aggravated himself. "Your friends have been searching for you for ten days. I've been looking for a week. We're all tired. Stop being obstinate."

Matt was quiet for a moment, thinking everything over.

"Please leave."

"Hell no," Claire replied, angrily. "We just found you. There's no way that we're leaving now."

"I meant Brett. Brett, please leave. Step outside. I...I don't want you to see her examine me."

The way Matt sounded - so defeated, possibly frightened, too, calmed Brett down. Matt wasn't trying to pull anything. He just wanted some privacy.

"Fine," Brett agreed. "I'll be right outside."

Matt listened to Brett's footsteps as he headed towards the door. He heard it open then close. Now he was alone with Foggy and Claire.

"Can we get started?" Claire asked. She was already pulling on a set of gloves.

"Yeah," Matt agreed, though he didn't move.

"Let's get these blankets off," Claire said, pulling off his layers one by one. When she finally reached him, she was shocked at what she saw. Foggy let out an audible gasp.

"What the fuck, Matt?!" Foggy nearly yelled.

Matt looked terrible. His skin was pale and somehow, in the course of ten days, he'd gone from being relatively well nourished to looking half starved. The outline of his ribs was visible. His hair was greasy and limp and he had bags under his eyes. Not to mention the way he smelled. The stink of BO hit Claire and Foggy like a wall.

"Oh God," Claire said, fighting the urge to cover her mouth. She fought through it and gently helped Matt onto his back. "I need to check your BP, heart rate… when's the last time you ate or drank anything?" She began ruffling through her medical bag, looking for her BP cuff.

"I'm fine," Matt repeated, sounding weaker this time. He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep. And without the blankets, he was truly freezing.

Claire placed the cuff around Matt's arm. Before she started pumping it, she spoke again.

"I'm going to ask you one more time. When's the last time you ate or drank anything?" She sounded pissed again, and it made Matt somewhat nervous.

"A few days ago," he mumbled.

"Fucking moron," was Claire's response. She began checking Matt's blood pressure, sighing when she got her reading. "It's low. Probably because your blood sugar's low." She looked at Foggy, "Go to the vending machine, get something for him to eat, will you? Something with carbs. If they have any cans of juice that'd be good too."

"Sure."

Matt heard Foggy get up and leave. Suddenly, he felt more nervous than ever.

"I'm going to be honest," Claire said, "I'm not sure why you did this, but you're lucky that we found you. You baby, however, might not be so lucky."

"She's alive," Matt whispered, closing his eyes once again. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep warm.

Claire got the message and pulled the blankets back over him.

"You can tell?"

"She's alive. I wasn't going to kill her. Jus'needed time," his words began to slur. He wanted more sleep.

"I need you to stay awake," Claire told him, rubbing his arm.

Right then, Foggy walked in, carrying a package of peanut butter crackers and a can of orange juice.

"They had these," he said, handing the items over to Claire.

"Perfect. Help him up, will you? He needs to sit."

Foggy nodded and moved towards Matt's bed. He reached under his friend's armpits, once again ignoring the smell, and pulled him up.

Matt groaned and weakly grabbed at the blankets.

With Matt now out of danger of choking, Claire sat on the edge of the bed. She opened the can of orange juice and handed it to Matt. He accepted it, but his hand began to shake. Foggy quickly came to his aid and helped him steady it.

"Small sips," Claire instructed, as she opened the package of crackers.

For the next several minutes Matt slowly ate the food and finished the juice. He had to admit that he did feel somewhat better. Still tired, but not quite as bad as before.

"Thank you," he told them.

"Yeah, whatever. You have a lot of explaining to do. But first, you're going to bathe. You smell awful. Then we're going to go back to my apartment, and then you're going to talk."

Seeing that he had no way out, Matt quietly agreed. Soon enough Foggy was there, helping him stand and walk into the bathroom. Foggy dutifully filled up the bathtub and helped his friend wash up. The affair was quiet. Matt could tell that Foggy was upset, but was holding his feelings back, probably trying not to upset him or make the situation worse.

Matt had his reasons for his actions, but he couldn't help but feel terrible about how much he had disappointed his friends.

00

Two hours later, Claire and Foggy were sitting in Claire's apartment. Brett had left, Claire having told him that she needed to give Matt further treatment and that it would be best to do so privately. Brett hadn't been angry about it, but he did make Claire promise to follow up with him.

Matt was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that Claire kept for the occasions when he dropped in looking for medical care. He was still shivering, so Claire had wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and given him some hot herbal tea.  
"I'm sorry about what I did, I just kinda… freaked out," Matt explained. "All I could think of was how things are going to change. I'll have to leave my apartment, buy her new things… There's the cost of it all. And my body's changing, too. When I'm in the shower, I can feel it. I can feel her moving and it's… it's terrifying," he said, honestly.

"So you ran away?" Foggy asked, feeling slightly more sympathetic than he had previously. Matt truly looked like he was about to cry. His hands were shaking again, too. Claire took the mug of tea away from him.

"I needed to leave. Just… check out. Then I got there, and everything seemed even more overwhelming. I didn't want to leave the bed. After the first few days, I felt so weak that I stopped trying to get up. Just to use the bathroom and all. It's hard to explain…" He trailed off.

"You could've killed yourself or your kid," Claire stated.

"No," Foggy cut in. "He went to Fort Lee. You went there because Dr. Reyes is nearby, didn't you?"

"Yes," Matt answered. "She could help if something went wrong. I liked the idea of having her nearby."

"Did you visit her?" Claire questioned him.

"No."

"But you can feel the baby moving, still."

"She's moving more, now."

"She? You know its gender? And it could still have problems, Matt. You're both not out of the woods."

"Dr. Reyes didn't confirm it but I think it's a girl. I didn't mean to hurt her, though." He could feel his chest tighten as another round of panic began to take hold.

When he began to hyperventilate, Claire stepped in.

"You need to calm down," she told him, placing her hands on his shoulders. "Whatever happened happened, we'll check it out tomorrow. For now, stay calm. Getting nervous will only make things harder on your body. Breathe, Matt."

Matt took a deep breath. His heart was still racing. He tried to concentrate on Claire's voice as she guided him.

"Exhale," she instructed.

Matt did as he was told.

"You're doing good," Claire said, after a few more breaths. "Good job."

After what felt like forever, Matt finally began to calm. It was only then that Foggy spoke up.

"Matt… about the money and the apartment and all that… You know I would've helped you. I _will_ help you. I thought it was clear but I guess it isn't. You're not alone."

Matt nodded, once again feeling a tinge of guilt.

"I know, Foggy… I just wasn't in my right mind, I guess."

Foggy frowned and shook his head, then pulled his friend into a hug.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: There will be more substance in the next few chapters. For now, enjoy Matt whump.

Also, I realize that I wrote out Brett's name as "Brent". I'll have to go back and fix it.

Ch. 13

Chapter Text

Matt ended up staying at Claire's for the evening, if only because she wanted to monitor his condition. She felt confident that Matt's senses about the baby being alive were accurate, but she feared for his own health.

When they'd first found him, he'd felt very warm, yet was always shivering. Clearly, he was getting sick. At the time, Claire was more worried about checking him over to make sure that he wasn't dying, so she'd focused on that. Now, though, things were getting worse.

As the night progressed, Matt went from shivering to coughing and shivering, then to outright shaking. He hadn't admitted to being in any pain, but the speed at which he downed the Tylenol that Claire had given him said otherwise.

At around eight o'clock, Matt had a temperature of 99. Not too high. Claire wasn't worried. But by two am, it had reached 101 and he'd begun to vomit the little that he had in his stomach. Claire wanted to take him to the ER, but Matt begged her not to. It was a difficult choice, but in the end, she decided to let him stay. She could probably get his temperature down herself.

When six am rolled around, she placed a phone call to Jessica. After hearing the details of the situation, the doctor promised to be there soon.

00

Jessica entered Claire's apartment and instantly heard the sound of someone retching. She followed the sound until she arrived at Claire's bathroom. She found that the door was unlocked and pushed it open. Claire was sitting on the edge of her bathtub, gently rubbing Matt's back as he vomited.

The man was pallid and frail looking. He didn't have a shirt on and the way his bones stuck out immediately set off alarm bells in Jessica's mind.

"Thank God you're here," Claire greeted her. She looked worried, which in turn made Jessica nervous. Claire usually kept together pretty well.

"Yeah. No problem," Jessica murmured.

She was surprised when Matt didn't seem to respond to her presence at all. Usually he was very alert, though she supposed that he might be too sick to notice. Thankfully, it wasn't too long before Matt stopped vomiting. When he finished he pushed himself back, then swayed, nearly face planting the toilet seat. Jessica and Claire managed to catch him just in time.

One touch to Matt's skin told Jessica how bad he was.

"He should really be in the ER."

"No…" Matt answered, his voice hoarse, "Please, no."

"He doesn't want the attention I guess," Claire said, though she agreed with Jessica's analysis.

"Yeah. Okay." Jessica looked Matt over once again. "You'd better not die. If you do, I'll be in serious trouble." Her tone was half joking, half serious.

"You know, I had a similar conversation with him a while back," Claire replied.

Jessica rolled her eyes, not at all surprised.

"Let's get him to your bed. He needs to cool down and he needs some fluids. Matt," she said, resting a hand on his shoulder. "We're going to help you stand up, okay?"

"I can walk," he protested.

"How about we skip the part where you try to walk and fall over and cause yourself more injury and you let us help?" Jessica shot back.

"Ugh." Matt's shoulders slumped further. A moment later, he reluctantly allowed Claire and Jessica to help him to his feet.

Slowly and carefully, they led him over to Claire's bed. Matt sighed as his skin touched the nice, soft sheets. He'd been on the couch for most of the evening. The bed was far more comfortable.

"I take it you've tried ice packs?" Jessica asked, batting Matt's hand away as he tried to grab at the comforter. "We need to cool you down."

"I'm already freezing," Matt croaked. The truth was, he gone back and forth from hot to cold all night. Right then, he was cold. In another fifteen minutes he'd probably be sweating.

"I had some on him before he got sick," Claire grabbed a small box from her nightstand and took out three instant-use ice packs. She broke them open and handed two over to Jessica and kept one for herself.

"You get his left armpit and his neck, I'll do his right."

Jessica nodded in agreement and the two women put everything into place. Matt groaned as the cold hit his body and began to shake.

Frowning, Claire pulled a sheet over him.

"It's okay, Matt. We're gonna get you feeling better soon."

Matt didn't respond. He didn't dare move. He was feeling sick yet again and he feared that any movement would make it worse.

00

Over the course of the next hour, Jessica did a series of exams. She took Matt's temperature, shaking her head when it came back at 100.8. It was down a small bit at least. She checked his skin turgor to check if he was dehydrated. He was, so she and Claire set up an IV, hooking it onto a nail in the wall where a picture had previously been hung.

After that was taken care of, it was time to check on the baby.

"He says he can still feel her moving," Claire informed her.

Jessica raised an eyebrow.

"I believe him," Claire added.

"It's possible that it's still alive. Whether or not there's been damage, though…" She trailed off.

"Let's take it one step at a time."

The doctor nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. You're right. Would you mind grabbing my other bag from the living room? I'm going to do an ultrasound on him."

"You brought an ultrasound machine?"

"Sort of. You'll see."

Claire nodded and headed out, returning with the bag a moment later.

Jessica rummaged around in it, pulling out an ultrasound wand, a bottle of gel and something that looked like a smart phone.

"Is that what I think it is?" Claire asked, sounding almost excited.

"Yep. A Mobi SP1. It'll give us a general idea of how things are going, at least."

"I've heard about those! Mind if I watch?"

"Help me prep him, then you can watch."

Jessica plugged the wand into the device while Claire gloved up and spread ultrasound gel on Matt's stomach. He moaned as she did this, enjoying the coldness of it. He was feeling hot again.

"Alright," Jessica told him, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "I'm going to do an ultrasound to see how the baby's doing."

Matt nodded, but said nothing. His eyes were clenched shut. He regretted his movement a second later, feeling bile rising in his throat, but managed to push it back.

"It won't be the best imaging, but we can see if it's still alive."

"She is."

Jessica blinked.

"He thinks it's a girl," Claire explained.

"Right. Okay. Here we go."

Claire stood back and watched as an image came over the device. Both women studied it for a moment, Jessica moving the wand around a bit to get the clearest picture possible.

"Well, you were right, Matt. It's alive."

Matt half-smiled.

"Told...you.." He replied, swallowing back bile again.

"Can you tell its gender?" Claire asked.

"I think it's a girl. Obviously I'd like to confirm on a machine in my office, but that's what it looks like on here. You may have been right about that too, Matt."

"Heh."

"Everything seems okay, on here at least, but I'd really prefer to do a more thorough ultrasound."

Matt twitched, and Jessica thought, for a second that he was going to answer. Instead, he sat up and promptly vomited on himself, the sheet and on Jessica. She moved her hand and the machine out of the way just in time.

"S-sorry," he gasped, breathing heavily, "Couldn't control it. Sorry…"

"It's okay," Jessica replied, repressing a sigh. "It happens."

Matt was still feeling sick, too sick to feel overly embarrassed.

"Take a shirt from my dresser," Claire offered. As she spoke, she was reaching around for the garbage can she kept near the bed. When she found it, she handed it over to Matt.

"Thanks," Jessica replied. She found a suitable shirt and made her way to the bathroom to clean up.

After she left the room, Claire's shoulders slumped. Matt had begun to vomit again and he'd managed to pull out his IV.

"Guess we're going to have to give you something to help the nausea," she said, rubbing his back. "I'll see what Jessica thinks is safe. Really, though, you should be in the hospital."

Matt spit into the waste basket. His stomach muscles were still tight, but he didn't think he was going to be sick again for a while.

"I'm sorry to inconvenience you both so much. If I go everyone will find out."

The sad, pleading look on his face made Claire feel bad. She knew she shouldn't - Matt was being an inconvenience, not to mention how he was putting both her career and Jessica's at risk. Still, he was her friend, and he truly seemed afraid.

"It's okay. We'll do our best, just… Keep following our directions. Deal?"

Matt handed the basket over and laid back down.

"Deal."


End file.
